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Brilliant 4 AM Insights

I arrived at work today at 4 AM (a schedule which is becoming painfully, agonizingly routine - the biggest "perk" of a "real job" that I'm looking forward to is making 3 AM alarms clocks the exception rather than the rule). I slid into my place behind the oven workstation, which is right beside the deli workstation, which is manned by my buddy Ron. Ron and I have lovely, stimulating conversations at 4 AM, in which we contemplate the meaning of the word "suppurating," the various alternative paths of life, and the evolution of the television series as an entertainment form. Ron is somewhat brilliant (he took and passed the MENSA intelligence test and then turned down membership because, as he put it, he "didn't get the point") and a dangerously sharp sense of humor - dangerous because if you're not careful, you're likely to be its object.

He wished me happy birthday, and then asked me, "What did you learn?"

I was a bit zoned this morning from my "late night birthday partying" (dinner at Ruby Tuesday's with friends, which I left at 9:3), so I didn't immediately grasp the significance of this question. "What did I learn... when?"

"This year," Ron promptly replied. "What did you learn over the last year? You should always learn something."

I paused (metaphorically - I was still frantically engaged in loading pans into the oven) and was struck by the wisdom of this question. It is a question I have often thought. One of my favorite movie scenes is the driving scene in Mr. Holland's Opus, where - after his student has veered across several traffic lanes, run over the school's shrubbery, jumped a curb, and finally come to an abrupt stop - Mr. Holland takes a deep breath and asks optimistically, "What did we learn from this?" I am constantly trying to apply that question to every aspect of my life.

"Think about it and get back to me," Ron advised, sensing that his question had temporarily overloaded my tired brain.

After some consideration, here's what I learned:

• The world really isn't going to end today based on my decisions. It didn't end, as my first math professor solemnly predicted it would, when I didn't pass my remedial math class the first time, nor did it end when I discovered I couldn't remember the chemical properties of hematite to save my life. There are some truly life-or-death decisions out there, but they don't come every day.

• No one is going to come up to me and hand me a silver platter with "My Dream" on it bow-tied, and announce, "Congratulations, the time has come for all your dreams to come true and for all the things you want to materialize. Wake up as the person you've always wanted to be!" Now is a good time to pursue talents and skills, launch projects, hang shelves, and travel. There might be school, work, and a busy time right now, but there might be kids, in-law visits, or work later. My one goal this year is to really live this principle. Everything is not possible right now, but everything will not be possible later, and something is possible today.

• I have a lot of freedom as an adult to do things because I want to. On the surface, this sounds self-centered, but I honestly don't mean it to be. Let me give you a few examples: as an adult, for instance, I am justified in teaching English and Literature to homeschoolers because I have a talent for it, a venue for it, and I enjoy it. I don't have to justify skirt-wearing with "My parents make me do it," "It's a religious thing," or even, "It's the way I was raised." All of these are true - but as an adult I can also say, "I enjoy it." And as an adult, I don't have to babysit unless I want to. I have resolved to never be guilted into entertaining large groups of brats ever, ever, ever again. :) On the other hand, as an adult, if I am working with children, I can demand respect.

• Healing really is possible in some relationships. I have a relationship with my Dad that is at a level now that it has not been at since I was a little girl. Most of this rebonding has taken place over the last year or so and involved some very specific steps of acknowledgement, restitution, and forgiveness. I have learned through the experience of rebuilding this relationship that if both parties are willing to work on it, restoration is possible. This gives me hope for other relationships in my life that have yet to experience this healing.

• I have flaws and issues, deep ones, and if I do not choose to broadcast them, that does not make me a fake or a liar. One of the most hurtful things ever said to me was when someone close to me hurled in anger, "If [dear friends of mine] knew what you were really like, they would be disgusted." I struggled with this for a long time... I had never sought to hide my flaws or struggles... was it true, that the "real me" was somehow the one with all the problems and not the side of me who occasionally got it together? I have since learned - to my delight - that I am like the dodecahedron from The Phantom Tollbooth. I have many faces, many "sides" if you will, but each one if firmly attached and in some way a reflection of my inner self. This does not obligate me to show every person every face.

• Be conscious of and seek for those "guides of questionable nature" along the "hero's journey" of life.

And finally...

• Don't be afraid to put yourself out there - write the letter that says exactly how you feel, share the poem that is a bit intimate, tell someone exactly what they have meant to you, stand up for something even when nobody else agrees with you. Thank you for this lesson, Professor Karlin.

Blog Post Challenge - What do you keep in your purses, gals?

I read about this challenge in a magazine I was flipping through yesterday... it goes something like this: snap a photo of your favorite (or current) purse, tell us who made it and why you love it, then dump it out, take a snapshot, and list everything you're carrying around with you.

So here goes...













I'm carrying a beautiful purse by Fossil today (courtesy of the local Hooks-n-Hangers thrift store - $4 purses by Coach, Gucci, and other fun names! Can't beat that!). I'm in love with the size of this purse - it's just small enough to throw over my arm but big enough to hold everything with room to spare. I wasn't 100% sure about the pattern - I'm more of a textures/design/materials person than a pattern person - but I think I've fallen in love with it. I love the seriousness of the trademark Fossil pattern juxtaposed against the cutest whimsical flowers in jewel green, blue, and purple. I also like the quality of the trimmings - I love good craftsmanship. I don't know much about Fossil as a brand, but after seeing this purse I'd definitely hunt up more from them.

Now for the inside... let's see...


Lotsa stuff, isn't it? But of course, it's all essential :). Let's see - I've got:

• A wallet
• A keychain with way too many keys and doodads
• Contact solution (actually, I really must have this... my eyes are so dry during allergy season)
• I don't normally carry nail polish around but it was the only thing I bought at K-Mart and I didn't want to waste a bag, so I just dropped it in my purse.
• LipSlicks by Covergirl in Princess... I love this tinted balm!
• A contact case that is actually a makeshift pillcase and carrying Iburprofen, not contacts! :)
• Eyeshadow by Skin Vitamins (shade not listed, but an awesome ashy-champagne color).
• SoftLips in Vanilla (clear). Another great balm (this one mentholated, which I love!).
• A bobby pin. :)
• A pack of Stride gum in Sweet Peppermint
• Target brand hand sanitizer
• A Bic pen
• Allergy softgels
• A star-shaped mirror (bought from the campstore at KingsFest last year for fifty cents!).
• A package of Kleenex (of course!).
• PureBlends Mineral Make-up in Fair by Almay, a gift from Charmaine. I am telling you, I am in love dearly with this product... you drop it in your purse, click it once, and swipe mineral foundation all over! The shade fits my skin perfectly, it goes on without any fuss, it's a good thing.
• And last but not least... hand lotion in Sensual Amber by Bath & Body Works. This scent has been discontinued but is one of my absolute favorites - I love the scent of sandalwood in any way, shape, or form!

Not pictured but normally in my purse (I did a sloppy job of transferring my stuff at 3 AM when I left for work) are a pair of headphones for my computer, my nametag, and an earpiece for the radios at work. My cellphone isn't pictured cuz it's rarely in my purse - it lives in my pocket.

Something I'd like to have in my purse? Either some high-SPF moisturizer or a gentle sunscreen. I burn easily and would love to find a sunscreen that doesn't "burn" my poor sensitive skin off my face!

Summertime

One of the things I have been trying to remind myself of these last few weeks since I've been out of school is to stop and enjoy this period of time, this transitioning. I'm not good with transitions, with waiting periods - I like knowing what the next thing is, and charging towards it. Not knowing exactly what I will be doing six days, six weeks, or six months from now is hard. On the other hand, it seems like I've done a lot of waiting lately - waiting to do this or that until I get my paper done... til I get out of school... til I have a day off... til I have "more time"... and I have realized lately that I need to look at this time not as a period of standing still but as a gift of time to actually pursue some of these projects and activities I've been wanting to do.

Like taking an afternoon off. There have been so many times over the last few semesters that I wanted so badly to just kick everything aside for a day and relax, but I always had something that I felt superceded that need - a paper due, math that needed studying (math always needed studying), co-op class to prepare for, etc. It occurred to me that I could easily take an afternoon off to kick back and nothing will suffer. Everything can wait. This is a gift.

Accordingly, today when I got off work I took the kids swimming at my grandfather's pool. The water was beautiful (I love the water - it grounds me, ironically) and cold. The sun was bright and hot. The pages of my book - an exploration of American Naturalism in literature - smelled heavenly, and it fed my soul in a sense, because while it was a book I was reading for my own pleasure, it was in a sense academic, and it encourages me that I have not lost one of my most treasured traits - the love and capacity for learning - just because I have shifted gears in my life.


The pool - it's a beautiful bright warm day and the water is cold.

Lizzie lounges.

Even Maggie is able to enjoy the water with the help of her "noodle".

What is more fun than to splash?

Exploring the world underwater is Allen's first choice...

But Anna shares my opinion that pool decks and swim dates need a book!

Some Day I'm Going To Do A Whole Blog Post On This Quote...

... But for now, I just think it's incredible.

“She who teaches me for one day is in some way my mother for life.” - Chinese proverb

Makeup Recommendation

No picture for yesterday - I had intended to put together a nice outfit, but was invited to join my grandfather and sisters for lunch, something I did not get to do often while in school, so at the last minute I threw on the same Julian Taylor brown dress and Cato brown leatherish Mary Jane clogs. I ended up running errands and doing some online work at Panera Bread afterwards, and I found the outfit very comfy (again!). Worth every penny I paid.

Anyway, my friend Charmaine wrote me an email this morning to let me know that she, also, is a fan of mineral foundation. I had mentioned in a previous post that I had fallen in love with a free sample of expensive mineral foundation but was looking for a cheaper brand. Charmaine uses IDEAL SHADE Smooth Mineral Makeup from Avon and is quite pleased with it. Currently Avon is having a "Buy One Get One 1/2 Price" sale on all mineral makeup, so I can get foundation in "Nude" and "Transparent" (I like to blend them) for only $15 total. You could also get foundation and a blush duo for the same price. Included in the list of products you can mix and match to take advantage of this sale are eyeshadow, lipstick, lip balm, concealer, liquid foundation, and brushes. Sounds like a bargain! Thanks for the info, Charmaine!

And as soon as I actually motivate myself to get up, get dressed, and go run errands, I will post a picture for today. :)

Fearlessly Feminine Challenge, Day Two

I was up way, way too late last night... it seems like no matter how well I prepare and how little I procrastinate during the school year, the last week of school ends up being a mad crush/crunch time. This year I am especially mindful of the fact that I need to enjoy these last few days, as this is the last finals week I will "enjoy" at CSM, which is a bit sad. I have enjoyed my time here.

Anyway... up late last night and up early this morning to finish what didn't get done by 3 AM when I called it quits, and that used up most of my morning time, so I was running really late today. I'm wearing a brown self-belting dress with a pleated V-neck by Julian Taylor, which looks infinitely better on the model but still cute on me. :) Very comfy. Although this picture shows my legs bare, I was actually wearing brown tights with my brown Cato flats (which are really, really starting to get on my nerves). I know - too "matchy-matchy" but in my sleep deprived state I could not find any colorful accessories to jazz it up with (I was hunting for my topaz and cerulean bangles, which seem to have lost themselves, probably somewhere in my car).

Apparently no amount of makeup is going to save my sleepy face today. :) I did curl my eyelashes in the parking lot of the co-op where I teach :) and I am wearing mineral foundation, but it refuses to cover my chin, which has decided to erupt like Mt. Vesuvius this week (I'm sure stress has nothing to do with it :)).